is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
