That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
