Your tits are I can't wait for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found your dick twin last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
