And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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