i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
