I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
