Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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