i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
