Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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