just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
