What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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