There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
