my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
