His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
