It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
