Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
