You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
