hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
