Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
