my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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