Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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