Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
