i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
