Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
