i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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