3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
