We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
