I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
