So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
