.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
