Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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