I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
