and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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