Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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