i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
