Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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