Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
