how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
