its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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