i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
