she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
