My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
