Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
