the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
