i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
