He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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