We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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