Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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