You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
