Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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