I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
