and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
