Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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