What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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