Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
