I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
