Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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